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Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got

Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got

Product Type: Book

Product Price: $26.00

Manufacturer: Free Press

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Description

If you are sleeping single in a double bed or walking down the street thinking, How do I meet that guy?; if you're on your twentieth date and he's no more committed than when you first exchanged cell phone numbers; if everyone you know is getting married for the second time and you can't even get a first date; if you love the one you're with but the relationship needs some spark...then this book is for you.

In Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got, Dr. Phil tells people who are dissatisfied with their love lives to stop making excuses -- All the good ones are taken; I'm too fat/skinny/boring/unpredictable for anyone to love me; I should stick with the relationship I have, I'm not going to do any better -- and start taking action! Dr. Phil knows that you deserve a committed relationship, and it is within your control to have the one you want. First, though, you need to determine what you want in a partner, plot your course and get out there and create velocity in your pursuit of a loving connection. The dating world is a vastly new place: meeting people at bars or through friends used to be the only option, but that's not true anymore. Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got explores new possibilities, new places to meet people -- including the Internet -- and new activities to get involved in where you'll find interesting people. Or if you are simply looking to rekindle the relationship you are already in, Dr. Phil will tell you how to turn up the flame.

Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got will show you how to stop stumbling through your love life. You will learn to:

Dr. Phil says there are no exceptions: There is somebody for everybody, and everybody deserves a relationship filled with love and excitement. Love Smart: Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got offers you the plan to find not just any relationship but the committed, loving, joy-filled relationship you've been waiting for.

13-digit ISBN is 9780743272094 Targeted primarily at single women looking for a clear formula that leads in the direction of marriage, Love Smart also aims to refresh current marriages that feel a bit lacking. Whether readers find it helpful will depend partially on their sense of humor—Dr. Phil titles one chapter "Bag 'em, Tag 'em and Take 'em Home", a pretty fair example of the rest of the jokes and the general attitude of the book's advice. Marriage is what it's about, and the dating game has specific rules that, once learned, any "player" can use to succeed. While not quite as strict as the infamous The Rules, this is a manual that treats marriage as a prize, winnable only by those who regard old-fashioned rules as the only possible set.

An early exercise suggests that women make detailed lists of the qualities they're looking for in a mate; five broad categories cover everything from social skills to physical appearance. Once a clear picture is formed of the ideal partner, it all boils down to marketing. Dr. Phil discusses conversation skills such as developing "icebreaker" questions and even digs up some of the old-school techniques that suggest checking headlines just to offer up-to-date topics, and making sure to ask questions about your date, rather than revealing much about yourself. Suggestions for internet dating are included in a separate chapter, and later chapters go into specific questions that cover personal background and relationship history in great detail.

The combination of new school humor with old-fashioned advice will appeal to women who are looking for both a plan for partnership and goofy jokes to lighten the pressure. Dr. Phil offers both in spades. Jill Lightner

Reviews

Rating: 2 / 5
Date: 2010-05-02
Summary: "A refreshing approach to the age-old conundrum of romantic relationships?"

Does Dr. Phil's book offer a refreshing approach to the age-old conundrum of romantic relationships?

I read Love Smart with great enthusiasm and found it full of practical tips, nicely organized under that familiar Dr. Phil theme: if what you're doing isn't working then do something different. Dr. Phil illustrates his never ending advice with case study examples and tirelessly instructs female readers in the art of conducting themselves in an appealing, realistic manner when it comes to their male partner. According to Dr. Phil, armed with accurate information about naturally occurring dynamics between men and women, women can expect better intimate relationship outcomes and discover the key to relationship bliss. Hooray!

But a closer read reveals a troubling though subliminally conveyed message. Dr. Phil's pseudo-sage advice appears to be rooted in the presumption that women care more about intimate relationships than men do. Presented by Dr. Phil as an empirical fact, men aren't motivated to spend a significant portion of their energy quotient investing in intimate relationship viability (IRV), except of course for their incessant quest for sex. Sadly, there are about 1,000 reasons why Dr. Phil's perspective contributes to a Neanderthal belief system.

The idea that women care more about IRV compared with men is nothing more than a common myth--a myth that creates pure misery and angst for everyone involved. Dr. Phil's women-care-more-men-care-less myth perpetually fuels an insurmountable obstacle to IRV regardless of how drastically women adjust their relationship attitudes. It's easy to understand why belief in such a myth is likely to be a major cause of chronic relationship burn-out.

What is it about this tired, old relationship myth that causes problems? Imbalance. When men care less than women do about relationship health, under any circumstances--whether a long-term, committed partnership or the occasional short-term encounter--the only possible outcome for both parties is misery. Not that there aren't other relationship dimensions that could be problematic. But in contrast to the status quo, presuming that women and men are equally invested in IRV constitutes a radical change in our thought patterns. Imagine harnessing the power to produce sustainable, exceptionally satisfying romantic partnerships. Don't listen to Dr. Phil.


Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2009-12-16
Summary: "Listen to him. He's a doctor."

I've been a big fan of Dr. Phil for a while but for some reason never got around to reading his book. So glad I did. He's got the wit and humor and insight I crave from a self help relationship guide. The themes in the book are really right on and he has some of the best advice I've come across.


Rating: 4 / 5
Date: 2009-11-18
Summary: "Love smart is worth the time to read the book"

Dr. Phil's book is full of great info, however, had I not known of him previously to be trustworthy in his advice, i have to say, it took a lot of patience sometimes wading through the repetitiveness and the "set up" before the actual advice. My advice is a rewrite in a more straightforward way. Please cut to the chase. I realize that this book was written 10 yrs. ago, so I can see times have changed since then. There is too much instant access to all kinds information. My daughter is 25 and would benefit from the advice at the heart of this book, but i can see her giving up on it before getting to the meat of it. I love that Dr. Phil is a husband and father and takes those roles just as important as being an author, talk show host, and celebrity.


Rating: 4 / 5
Date: 2009-10-30
Summary: "3 years on... as much as I hate to admit it..."

I usually can't stand this guy on TV. And seeing his face on the cover of this book just makes me laugh. BUT he's written a good book here, and I can't deny that. I read this book around 2-3 years ago (borrowed it from a friend). Three years on, I find that a lot of the tips/advice are staying with me and affecting my life positively.

One major thing that I remember is to be able to know and articulate what you want from a partner. If you know what you want and be realistic about it, then you're able to go out there and look for this person. Before reading the book, I found that I was very vague about what I actually wanted ("A GREAT GUY! YEAH!") and that aimlessness kind of led me nowhere. The book achieves this by having you write down lists. Yeah, a little corny, but it worked.

Another thing I like is the honest explanation of the differences between how men think and how women think. I expected this chapter to be filled with cliches ("ALL MEN THINK ABOUT IS SEX! DEAL WITH IT! LOL!"), but it was really thoughtfully written. (For example -- IN GENERAL men are more results-driven, while women often like to talk about things without needing to "fix" it at the end.) These have been good things to know, not just in the relationship field, but in interacting with my male friends.

I remember the general feeling of the book was optimistic, but realistic. It acknowledges that you have flaws, but that you can change them without changing your personality. And it goes into ways of how to play up your positives and downplay your negatives. So overall, I'm pretty happy with how this book left me with useful pieces of knowledge, even years after the initial read. Maybe I'll go back to my friend to borrow it again for a refresher!

The reason I docked off a star -- this book's geared towards looking for a serious relationship, not casual dating. I think there's nothing wrong with going on casual dates for fun (you know you're not going to marry him) but the book doesn't go into that. If you're looking for a long-term partner, this is the one to read.


Rating: 5 / 5
Date: 2009-09-12
Summary: "Good information and direction"

I have other books by Dr. Phil and enjoyed his "cut to the chase" attitude. This is another good one! I ordered the CD's and book and found having both very effective in my reading and note taking. Dr. Phil spells out for us ladies, some insight on how a man thinks, and knowing that how we can apply the knowledge in a relationship with a man. I recommend it to any woman that is struggling in her quest to find the love relationship with the right man.